For those of you who don't know, I struggled most of my pregnancy with Baylee to keep my blood pressure down to a safe level in order to keep her inside long enough for appropriate development. I spent four months laying on my left side, unable to do much more than read, watch t.v. and pray! The delivery was profoundly frightening for Matt and I, as well as our parents, due to the possibility of seizures or a stroke. It was a long, hard, trial full of fear that, for many years, I was certain I should not and could not bare again.
A few years later someone asked me if I was going to have any more children. I dreaded that question for so many reasons, of which she kindly proceded to mention. When my reply to her was unsatisfactory she said that I should not deprive Baylee of a sibling by making her an "only child" (which by the way, I hate that label). She furthered her wisdom by stating that the next detrimental move I could make would be to have my children "decades apart". I left her presence's and our conversation beat down with a painful feeling of failure that would reside in my heart for many years (this was before I got my backbone). I carried a huge, ugly bag of guilt on my back for so long. I wasn't giving Baylee a sibling, I wasn't giving Matt a shot at a son, and forget about another chance of assisting God in one of His miraculous miracles! I contradicted my faith thinking that by not becoming pregnant I was keeping myself safe and healthy so I could be Baylee's mom and Matt's wife. It was a disturbing struggle that ate at my soul constantly.
As time went on, years went by, and biological clocks ticked, I came to a pivotal point in my walk with Christ. I decided that I would let God make this decision for me (hello, Jenny!) and by doing so I would release all guilt, pain, and fear; however the outcome. Matt and I talked many hours about this decision. We decided that we would allow God a "window of opportunity" to work during the summer months of 2007. This would calculate to a spring baby and a maturnity leave just before summer 2008 (wow...we've been following Him for 10 years now and we really thought that we had a great plan for His next move in our lives). When you are comforted by having control, it's a bit hard to give it up...even to Him! As we prayed our way through the spring months about the upcoming possiblity of conception, I found myself feeling very sick to my stomach. Could this be God's sign that I should not concieve? Had I been right all along about keeping myself safe and healthy? Over the course of a week I mentioned to Matt (more than once) that I just didn't feel right. He patiently(whatever) reminded me that I am a wife, a mother, and a KINDERGARTEN teacher, and that perhaps if it kept up I should go to the doctor! Since I'm not much of a doctor goer I didn't go, just thinking I was "run down". Not long after, Shellee (my irreplaceable partner-in-crime) stopped by needing someone to support her decision to drown the craziness of the day in a route 44 dr. pepper (for her, diet coke for me). Because it is in the code of "torches being put out" that one friend never lets another go to happy hour (sonic's, of course) alone, I said "I'll buy!" There was only one problem, the thought of diet coke made me want to lose my cookies. When I told Shellee that bit of info she gave me that "what in the ---- is wrong with you" look, stared at me for a bit with silence, and then screamed..."YOU"RE PREGNANT!" I immediately dismissed the possibility since Matt and I had not changed any preventatives in the way of love...and besides, it wasn't summer yet! (remember, God's window of opportunity) Later that day I left a positive pregnancy test on the counter for Matt with a few I love you thoughts.
This pregnancy was consistant with the first (that's another blog!), but on December 19, 2007 at 3:37 pm, Brody Matthew Chapman was born! He weighted in at 6lbs. 12oz. and measured 19 in. long. The most interesting part of it all...Baylee will turn 10 years old this month.
Our lives have been richer since Brody arrived, our days brighter and warmer even in the midst of winter. Worship...a little sweeter. Matt has a son. Baylee has a sibling (and a brother at that, who's hair she can spike!). I am living my life like I have never before, free of guilt and fear. To say that God is good doesn't seem rich enough for the joy and peace and contentment that Matt, Baylee and I have been given. So I will boldly praise Him every day for the two incredible gifts He has given me...decades apart!
A few years later someone asked me if I was going to have any more children. I dreaded that question for so many reasons, of which she kindly proceded to mention. When my reply to her was unsatisfactory she said that I should not deprive Baylee of a sibling by making her an "only child" (which by the way, I hate that label). She furthered her wisdom by stating that the next detrimental move I could make would be to have my children "decades apart". I left her presence's and our conversation beat down with a painful feeling of failure that would reside in my heart for many years (this was before I got my backbone). I carried a huge, ugly bag of guilt on my back for so long. I wasn't giving Baylee a sibling, I wasn't giving Matt a shot at a son, and forget about another chance of assisting God in one of His miraculous miracles! I contradicted my faith thinking that by not becoming pregnant I was keeping myself safe and healthy so I could be Baylee's mom and Matt's wife. It was a disturbing struggle that ate at my soul constantly.
As time went on, years went by, and biological clocks ticked, I came to a pivotal point in my walk with Christ. I decided that I would let God make this decision for me (hello, Jenny!) and by doing so I would release all guilt, pain, and fear; however the outcome. Matt and I talked many hours about this decision. We decided that we would allow God a "window of opportunity" to work during the summer months of 2007. This would calculate to a spring baby and a maturnity leave just before summer 2008 (wow...we've been following Him for 10 years now and we really thought that we had a great plan for His next move in our lives). When you are comforted by having control, it's a bit hard to give it up...even to Him! As we prayed our way through the spring months about the upcoming possiblity of conception, I found myself feeling very sick to my stomach. Could this be God's sign that I should not concieve? Had I been right all along about keeping myself safe and healthy? Over the course of a week I mentioned to Matt (more than once) that I just didn't feel right. He patiently(whatever) reminded me that I am a wife, a mother, and a KINDERGARTEN teacher, and that perhaps if it kept up I should go to the doctor! Since I'm not much of a doctor goer I didn't go, just thinking I was "run down". Not long after, Shellee (my irreplaceable partner-in-crime) stopped by needing someone to support her decision to drown the craziness of the day in a route 44 dr. pepper (for her, diet coke for me). Because it is in the code of "torches being put out" that one friend never lets another go to happy hour (sonic's, of course) alone, I said "I'll buy!" There was only one problem, the thought of diet coke made me want to lose my cookies. When I told Shellee that bit of info she gave me that "what in the ---- is wrong with you" look, stared at me for a bit with silence, and then screamed..."YOU"RE PREGNANT!" I immediately dismissed the possibility since Matt and I had not changed any preventatives in the way of love...and besides, it wasn't summer yet! (remember, God's window of opportunity) Later that day I left a positive pregnancy test on the counter for Matt with a few I love you thoughts.
This pregnancy was consistant with the first (that's another blog!), but on December 19, 2007 at 3:37 pm, Brody Matthew Chapman was born! He weighted in at 6lbs. 12oz. and measured 19 in. long. The most interesting part of it all...Baylee will turn 10 years old this month.
Our lives have been richer since Brody arrived, our days brighter and warmer even in the midst of winter. Worship...a little sweeter. Matt has a son. Baylee has a sibling (and a brother at that, who's hair she can spike!). I am living my life like I have never before, free of guilt and fear. To say that God is good doesn't seem rich enough for the joy and peace and contentment that Matt, Baylee and I have been given. So I will boldly praise Him every day for the two incredible gifts He has given me...decades apart!
3 comments:
you're makin me cry! Those two are twins...separated by a decade!!!
That was totally worth the wait! :)
Couldn't be happier for you guys!! You're a GREAT mom!!
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